- River has gone to bed around 10pm 3 or 4 nights this past week.
- I don't correct River when she says "sit" and it sounds like a swear word. I think it's funny.
- Organic? Gluten free? Sugar free? River ate a full banana today and it was a personal victory for me.
- River likes Mountain Dew and Diet Coke. Stop shaking your head at me.
- River already knows how to work the iPad and she's not even two yet. I'm quite ashamed of this.
- I buy River popcorn every time we go to Target. It's the only way I get through the trip without an epic toddler melt down. However, it does make me feel a little bit better that I pay the full price for the bag of popcorn and only ask them to fill it up a quarter of the way.
- River watches way too much TV. I loathe Mickie Mouse Clubhouse.
- I've never had my daughter on a schedule, EVER. Do I pay for it sometimes? Yes. Was my reasoning for never having her on a schedule because I selfishly didn't want a schedule? Yes. See Reason #1.
- Sometimes I take the easy way out. Let me just give you one example. Today (and a few other times) I gave River an otter pop to chew on when she's getting really tired before her afternoon nap. 99% of the time it takes too long to eat and she falls asleep in her high chair. So much easier than trying to get her to stay in her toddler bed for a nap.
- I'm short on patience for River, Randy and myself. I save up all my good graces for everyone else around me.
I am a terrible mother for all of those reasons, and more. But I am not a terrible mother because I have a full time job. This is something I have been struggling with since I found out I was pregnant with River. I've always dreamed of being a stay at home mom and knew that I wouldn't get to be one for a long time. I was excited to have a little one join our family but deep down I was scared that she would grow to resent me for being away from her so much.
It's taken long enough for me to get over these feelings but I've learned something today.
I should be grateful.
Instead of feeling sorry for myself here and there, and wishing I was just like most of my friends who get to stay at home with their kids, I should be grateful.
- Grateful that I have a passion outside of my family that I can throw myself into.
- Grateful for a job and office staff that I love!
- Grateful that River gets to spend quality time with her Grandmas (and sometimes Grandpas!) who love and adore her so much and that they get to help raise her. There are no two women I trust to help me raise my daughter more than them.
- Grateful that River gets to spend quality time alone with her Daddy to strengthen their bond, away from Mama.
- Grateful for a supportive husband who doesn't mind helping with the dishes, laundry, dinners, etc. and who shares parenting 50/50 with me instead of doing it or feeling like I'm doing everything by myself.
- Grateful that my income helped buy the house my family lives in.
- Grateful that my income allows my family to be comfortable and go on adventures.
- Grateful that my daughter will know the value of hard work and the blessings it brings.
- Grateful for the time that I do have with River, it makes it even sweeter. She knows it and I know it.
- Grateful that I'm not alone and that its socially okay to be a working mother now.
